All or nothing
by DanilaRufly
Summary: Since Gossip Girl series finale sucked, I decided to re-write it. One-shot. Rufus and Lily all the way. VERY MATURE CONTENTS. LILY'S POV. The summary inside is 100 times better.


**Hello everybody and HAPPY NEW YEAR! After watching the series finale of what has been my absolute favorite tv show for the past 6 years or so, I was left with a broken heart and an uncontrollable desire to tear my room down. I just couldn't believe Rufus and Lily, my Rufly, didn't end up together. I spent the past 3 weeks complaining about it, ranting about it, trying to find some logic in it, but nothing could heal my broken heart. Not even my beloved Rufly army, that is the AMAZING group of people I've come to know thanks to Gossip Girl who have shipped Rufly as hard as I have right till the end. I've talked to some of them on twitter for years and they've become my twitter family, really. There's no need to mention them one by one, they know who they are. I love you guys, thanks for standing by me through the good and the bad times, especially after the finale aired. Lol This is dedicated to them. RUFLY ARMY THIS IS FOR YOU! This is what the writers took away from us. This is what the finale was supposed to be all about (minus the sex part considering it's a teen drama maybe? Lol). This is what, I believe, the Rufly fans deserved. ****RUFLY ARMY THIS IS YOUR CAKE****!  
I re-wrote the finale basically and just changed the ending. It's been a challenge to be honest. The writers didn't give me any Rufly scene in the final episode, if we don't count the ridiculous peck on the lips they gave us in the "5 years later" crappy segment. (Which, by the way, will not even be mentioned in the following story. I just removed it from my memory, for my very own sake).  
As I was saying I had to make a lot of things up, things that didn't really happen during the finale, but I'm sure some of you will thank me for it later. Lol I know I didn't exactly keep them in character, but since the writers ruined Rufus and Lily forever for me, I figured I could play with them a little, right? What started as a lovey-dovey fan fiction turned out to be a very hot fiction thanks to a certain someone who, rather advisedly, asked me why I wasn't putting in it any sex scene. I couldn't find an answer to that, so I just made room for some smut. Lol This chapter is rated M for a reason. I have warned you.  
****A special thanks to Addison Rose who is not only an amazing writer, but also an awesome editor.****  
I'm looking forward to your feedbacks and reviews.  
What's left to say? Oh yes,** **bon appétit!**

"Hello?" Rufus entered the penthouse right when William's arms were about to engulf me in what seemed to be intentioned as a tight embrace. A sympathy hug or something close to it I believe. But as soon as my ears perceived Rufus' voice I instinctively took a step aside to look over William's shoulders, just to make sure I wasn't hearing things. He was there indeed. My eyes grew wide when they landed on the man I had been married to for almost 3 years. I then completely ignored William's stretched arms and moved around him, helplessly attracted by my very own real life magnet. I heard my heals tickling on the floor, rhythmically, while I was almost running towards him. I didn't dare to look at him, I did not want to know what his eyes would say to me. Whether it was anger or compassion or affection, I just didn't want to know. Before I knew it I was circling his shoulders with my right arm, while my left hand was tightly wrapped around his neck in a fashion that never felt old enough to the two of us. As I buried my face in the crock of his neck my nose inhaled that sweet yet masculine scent he always comes with and I felt weak at my knees at the realization of how much I had missed waking up with that smell on my very own skin, covering every inch of my body. I remember how wrong it felt to take a shower on one of those mornings when all I really wanted was to walk around, showing the world I had been his the previous night. I held on to him tighter, secretly hoping the pain produced by revisiting those memories would be taken away just by having him in my arms again. I couldn't explain why I threw myself at him like that or why I was holding on to him for dear life. I just did. And it felt good. So good. Too good if I must be honest with myself.  
Rufus awkwardly pressed his left hand to my back and rubbed it in small circles, obviously taken aback from my attitude. "You alright?" He asked, his voice firm, almost cold I'd say.  
"Yes" I nodded, letting the side of my head slide up and down against that freshly shaved jaw of his, the little contact enough to make me long for more.  
Rufus lightly patted my back, a clear signal it was time to free him from my embrace and so I moved away. The heat and nearness of his body so close to mine had resulted in, after all that time, was shamefully showing on my flushed cheeks.  
"I just heard about Bart. I'm sorry Lily" He said, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. Another indication he was not at ease in my presence.  
"Thank you" Our eyes finally met. We were mere inches apart, but I never felt so distant from him in my whole life. He was looking at me, but that tension between us was simply a wall too high to climb or too strong to break through. Those beautiful green eyes of his weren't looking through me, they were just looking at me. I had burnt that bridge, I couldn't cross it again unless I was willing to drown and much to my despair a part of me was willing to, It probably always would. I looked away unable to hold his gaze anymore, it felt empty, it felt emotionless on me and it was hurting me more than any word he could have ever said.  
"I just stopped by to offer you my condolences. If there's anything I can do for y-"  
"That's very nice of you, but I think I have the handle of this." I cut him off. Whenever I needed a friend Rufus would always be there. I knew that much. But I also knew I couldn't ask that big of a sacrifice to him, we had been through a lot together and I knew we had reached that point where we could no longer be just friends. He cared for me deeply, and so did I for him. It was just unfair to ask of him to be a good friend when all I really wanted was the whole package: my best friend, my lover, my soul mate. "Yeah well...I guess I'll leave now." I nodded mindlessly, fixing the chignon my hair was wrapped into with my fingertips, trying to mask as much of my uneasiness as I could.  
"William" He acknowledged my first husband.  
"Rufus" William replied with just the same amount of distaste in his tone.  
I couldn't stay there and watch him disappear in that damn elevator one more time, so I just turned around and focused my attention back on William. Pushed the thoughts that had been occupying my mind for the past three minutes away and just smiled. We were over. And we had been for a while now.

_**Later that day...**_

"Rufus! I wasn't expecting to find you here" I stopped in my tracks as I saw Rufus sitting on the couch with the rest of the gang, when I walked into the apartment with Eleanor at my heels.  
"Well I needed to talk to Gossip Girl over there." He pointed to Dan, while he got up.  
"Oh yes, I bet you did" I chuckled. "He caused us some troubles, didn't he?" The word was on the street and that was the only thing you would have heard of in Manhattan that day.  
"Yup" He offered me a smile and I couldn't help but offer him one in return. He looked so beautiful when the little wrinkles at the corner of his eyes merged together in a thick line.  
"Well, it's in the past now" Finding out Dan was Gossip Girl had shocked me too, but I was kind of happy he was the master mind behind it and not Serena or Eric. I didn't pay the Ostroff Center all that money for nothing after all.  
"I should probably apologize to you on his behalf, I mean...he…he hurt you and your family too with that stupid blog. I'm sorry about that." His eyes met mine for a split second and I couldn't help but look away. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I honestly couldn't hold his gaze for more than a second that day.  
"It seems to me my daughter already granted him her forgiveness." I set my eyes on our children's entwined fingers on the table. "Besides you have nothing to apologize for."  
"Yeah, but still..."  
"Come on, we brought cake. There's a wedding to celebrate!" I instinctively grabbed his hand and pulled him behind me, leading him towards the dining room.  
"I don't think I'm welcome to stay...really." He tried to reason while his fingers wrapped around my hand tightly and sparked long forgotten feelings throughout my body  
"It's my son's wedding reception and I'm asking you to stay. Just take your jacket off and grab a plate, will you?" I turned my head to look at him, our hands still joined. Neither of us ready to let go just yet.  
"Alright" he sighed defeated, knowing I wouldn't accept a 'no' for an answer. My thumb brushed against the back of his hand and he squeezed my hand in return. No words needed. No grand gestures required. Just a little touch, just a little _us_.

"To Chuck and Blair." Nate raised his glass and everyone followed suit, right after Chuck and Blair cut into their wedding cake about an hour later.  
"To true love" Serena joined in and everybody cheered then.  
My eyes found Rufus' who was standing on the other side of the room next to his son and I felt my blood freezing in my veins. My hand slowly brought the flute filled with a fine champagne to my mouth and as the cold liquid tickled my lips, my eyes kept scanning the beautiful features of his face. A small smile appeared on it and that's when I lost my cool, almost chocking while gulping the champagne down. He couldn't still have that effect on me, could he? I suddenly started feeling particularly warm, almost hot, and had to tear my eyes away, for my very own mental sake.

"They look happy don't they?" I heard a voice coming from behind me say a couple of minutes later, while I was sitting on the couch, playing with my fork with the piece of cake in my plate. I had been dissecting the poor thing while lost in a sea of thoughts: Bart's death, Rufus, the funeral, Rufus, Chuck's new life, Rufus, Rufus, Rufus.  
"They certainly do" I nodded without turning around. My body already heating up thanks to the sound of his voice. "They've come a long way" I said and watched Rufus claim the seat right beside me, his elbow inadvertently touched my side and I jumped a little, he was like a light socket to me. After all that time. It was just insane.  
"Yes, they have." He nodded his agreement, a smug smirk covering his face now.  
"They are so young and so in love and now are going to spend the rest of their lives together. Grow old together. They're very lucky." I blurted trying to play it cool.  
"Very." He must have found what I said funny because I swear he was grinning like an idiot now.  
"Doesn't happen to everybody." I said softly, looking down. Surely it didn't happen to us.  
"No, it doesn't." Rufus' tone changed also. And he started dissecting the cake with his fork as well. It must have had a terrible taste or it was just a good diversion, either way it was keeping both of our minds busy and that seemed to be fine with us.  
"Blair looks just gorgeous. Most beautiful bride I've ever seen for sure." I broke the silence that had fallen upon us a little while later. I just said the first thing that crossed my mind, refusing to let that hush roaring in my ears any longer.  
"I have to disagree with you there." He turned his head and looked at me, almost adoringly I'd say. I didn't dare to turn and meet his eyes. I was afraid I was just fooling myself, so I settled for a sideways gaze and a nod.  
"This is going to be the happiest day of her life." I grinned looking back to where Blair was standing gleefully chatting with her best friend. "I know it was the happiest day of my life." I admitted wholeheartedly, trying to push to the back of my mind all the images of that perfect day forming in it: Scott, the park, the loft, our vows, Sonic Youth….our wedding night. We had already rehashed past memories at another Waldorf's wedding, no need to call for an encore. Not today. Not in a present where that wedding had lost all its significance.  
"Which one of the 6 times?" Rufus joked, probably trying to ease up the tension I was uncaringly building up between the two of us.  
"The only time I had that dreamy look on my face." I said pointing at Blair. I could feel his eyes on me, so I coyly turned my head around and looked at him. And I waited. And waited. Waited for a word, a nod, a wink, a smile, anything. But He just stood there, giving me his empty stare and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs how much he was hurting me right now. "I should probably get going." I said hastily. "I have a funeral service to take care of. And as much as it is already set up, I still need to make a couple of phone calls."  
"Sure." Rufus got up and extended me his hand to help me up from the couch.  
I dodged it, without deigning him of a look. "I'll see you around I guess?"  
"Small island" He pressed his lips together in a firm line.  
"Yeah...small island" I agreed and then bid him goodbye "Take care Rufus".

I walked towards the cloakroom to retrieve my black Bottega Veneta coat and just leave. I had had enough of 'happily ever after' smiles and toasts and feelings in general. I just wanted to go home. It had been a long day and I was a newly widow, it sounded just about right that I'd start acting like one and hit the bottle already. Vodka, gin, scotch, whatever Larissa had position front row on my bar cart would be fine. I walked into the little room and spotted my brand new coat right away, I put it on and when I turned to leave I bumped into Rufus who apparently had been following me there.  
"It was the happiest day of my life too. Second only to the days my children were born." He said placing his soft hand on top of mine. "I just thought you should know" He whispered and then caressed my cheek with his other hand before turning to leave.  
"Don't run away from it Rufus." I took his hand and held it tight, strong enough to stop him, but not enough to force him to stay there.  
"From what?" He asked, still facing me with his back.  
"You know what" I shook my head in disbelief and let go of his hand.  
"Not following you here" He turned around and finally looked me in the eyes.  
"You can fight it. And so can I, but God knows we'd both surrender to it eventually." It was my last chance. Ever. Maybe the time wasn't right and the words weren't wise, but the feelings were there. I knew it in my heart. It was my last chance and I had to take it. Come what may.  
"Lily..." Rufus sighed passing his now free hand through his brown hair.  
"I won't fight it this time." I said firmly. "I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of fighting against it and I'm tired of figh-"  
"For it?" He rudely interrupted me.  
"Just so you know I will always, always have enough strength in my body and in my soul to fight for it. It's just not a war I can win without an alley." I don't know if my words were coming out as sweetly as I was trying to pronounce them or just as harshly as my ears were hearing them, in whichever case I just let them out. "Don't fight it Rufus. Don't run away from it. It'd only be a terribly painful waste of time" I wasn't trying to convince him, but I was very much trying to make him see things the way I did. He needed to realize our feelings toward each other were bigger than us.  
"I'm not fighting it" He shook his head. "I'm not" He shrugged carelessly as though we weren't talking about the greatest thing that ever happened to the two of us.  
"I think you are. Quite strongly too" My voice was filled with rage now. How could he be so blind? How could he be so stubborn? I was wearing my heart on my sleeve for God's sake. I knew I had made some mistakes in our relationship, I knew that. But I was trying to make amends and as much as it wasn't quite exactly looking like it, that was the only way I knew how.  
"There is nothing to fight for. Nothing. Not anymore." I took in a big breath, as the words were sinking in. I felt my jaw clench and then just pushed him out of my way and left. Left without a goodbye, left without looking back. That was the last time Rufus Humphrey was going to hurt me. If there was nothing left for him to fight for, then fine. I was perfectly capable of starting fresh with my life. I didn't need a Bart Bass in my life, much less a Rufus Humphrey. Which didn't give a reason for the tears now streaming down my face. I just needed to find a new balance in my life, I didn't need a man in it to achieve that. I needed nobody. And certainly not Rufus. Oh how I wished that was true!

I was fixing myself a much-deserved drink later that night, the third to be exact, when I heard the well-known ping that signaled the elevator just got to my floor. I didn't even have the time to turn my head around to see who was walking in, for Rufus stomped in the apartment yelling at the top of his lungs. "You have no right! No right!"  
I jumped back. He looked furious. "Rufus! What are-"  
"You have absolutely no right to do this to me, okay?" His hands were resting on his hips as his chest was pounding heavily. Red-faced Rufus, now that was something I had never seen before. I had seen him mad and upset, just not quite like that.  
"I-I-..." I Stammered, genuinely startled by his attitude. What did I do to set him off like that? I was supposed to be furious, not him. I had made a complete fool of myself, not him.  
"It's not fair, dammit!" My eyes caught his right hand balling up in a fist at his side.  
"Rufus are you alright?" I started walking towards him, he looked beside himself and I was really getting worried. Yes, I was still mad at him, but that didn't mean I couldn't worry for him, did it? Moreover I was just curious, what in the name of God could have happened in the few hours we spent apart?  
"All my life Lily, all my life I've fought for it." He shouted, I could literally see the blood throbbing in the veins on his neck. "All my fucking life Lil!" And that's where he lost it. His fist hit the wall on his left and I saw his hand turning bright red at once, his knuckles whitish from the impact. I didn't know what was going on, but he was starting to scare me. My mouth was agape, a million thoughts were crossing my mind but none of them could find a way out of it. "You don't get to say to me I'm just running from it or fighting against it. You don't know how it feels like." He pointed his index finger at me, as if he was accusing me of some crime I didn't even know I committed. "You never did." He whispered shaking his head.  
I found myself moving closer to him. My hand reluctantly wrapping around his still clenched fist. "Oh trust me I do." I whispered back ever so softly, trying to soothe him.  
"I have tried and tried and tried. You know that I have." He shook my hand off of his and started walking in circles. "I leapt Lil! I leapt!" He yelled once again pointing his finger to his chest.  
"We both leapt! I leapt too." I started to show I could get all worked up then. It takes two people to make a relationship work, he had screwed up too otherwise we wouldn't have called it quits.  
"You didn't and that's why things never worked out." His beautiful green eyes met mine and there I saw it, hurt. He was hurting as well. We were just licking our wounds in a not so unusual Rufus and Lily's way.  
"I leapt Rufus, despite all my insecurities and fears and doubts I leapt." I raised my voice too. "How dare you question that!"  
"How dare you question how much I fought for it, for us. You know I did."  
"You did." I conceded, too ashamed to admit I held myself responsible for our breakup more than him.  
"Then-what-do-you-want-from-me?" He shouted again, each word a staccato.  
"I want you to keep fighting for it." I shouted back. Tears knocking at my eyes' doors.  
"I can't." He covered his face with both his palms.  
"Look at me." If he wanted me to believe that, he had to look me in the eyes and say it. Why was he there if that's all he had to say? I had heard him loud and clear the first time around.  
"Lily…"  
"Look at me!" I ordered him, careless of how bossy I sounded. "Tell me you don't want to fight for it, not that you can't."  
"You ruined it Lil, you ruined it all." His hands slowly descended to rest on his hips, granting me permission to look at him. God he was so handsome, even more so now that he was red with anger.  
"Yes, I made some mistakes while we were together, but just the fact we're still here talking about our relationship means it's not over. It's still there Rufus, can't you see it? We're still here." I just let my heart speak. My brain wasn't working that well anymore, whether I would blame it on the alcohol or on the fact I was aroused to no end just by his presence would have made no difference. "I am still here." I took a big breath. The ball was in his field now. I had done my part.  
"I can't. All I can see is you choosing Bart Bass over me. Again. All I can see is you handing me some papers that declared our marriage was annulled. Three years of our lives, Lily! Annulled! Cancelled! As if nothing ever happened." I wasn't expecting his voice to reach such a high peak but it did. And I was just tired of that argument, fight, explaining or whatever it was that was taking place right now. Yes I had my share of blame, but he had his too. It was just easier for him to point the finger at me, but I was not going to stand there and let him take it all out on me.  
"You didn't seem so heartbroken, you started dating Ivy Dickens shortly after for Heaven's sake!"  
"Yes I did, but only after you decided our marriage was none of your concern anymore." I could not believe we were discussing this again. He really really didn't get it, did he?  
"You can't be serious. You gave Ivy money, behind my back. I had just lost my mother and you couldn't care less about how that made me feel."  
"That's not true. I did what I thought was right at the moment!" He yelled as though the higher the decibel would get the sooner I would have settled for his version of the truth.  
"And look where it got you. Look where it got us!" I waved my hand between the two of us.  
"Oh don't you even try to turn it around on me. I tried everything in my power to make it work." He pointed his finger challengingly at me again.  
"And how exactly did you do that? By speaking and taking actions on my behalf? Because that's what you did. You went behind my back once again and asked Bart to sign those papers. It was my decision, not yours."  
"Exactly, it was your decision Lily." His chest was left pounding after he spoke those words. "Make peace with that and leave me alone." He said in a much calmer tone and then moved to leave.  
"Rufus!" I called after him. I wasn't done with him. Not just yet.  
"I'm out of here."  
"Rufus!" I yelled this time and went after him.  
"Lily stop!" He turned around and held his hand flat in front of me.  
"You can't just walk away." I shook my head. I knew my eyes were going to let them fall down, but I just wasn't ready yet. I was not going to give him the pleasure of seeing my cry for him. Not again.  
"And why is that?" Rufus 's question followed by an exasperated sigh.  
"Because I don't want to spend the next 20 years of my life living in the shadow of your memories. I can't watch you let me let you go again. I just can't." And then I felt a tear coming down from the corner of my eye and just let it fall. What was the use in pretending he wasn't hurting me anyways? He was, so bad.  
"It's always been _all or nothing_ with us. Maybe we're just not meant to get our _all_." And with a shrug of his shoulder he just decided to give me the mortal blow.  
"Do you really believe that?" I breathed looking into his eyes, maybe for the last time ever. Tears were blurring my sight.  
"Lily…."  
"Do you really believe that?" I demanded again, more resolutely. Seconds passed before I got an answer, but they felt more like minutes, days, maybe weeks. We were both standing there, Rufus holding my destiny in his hands and me holding my heart in mine.  
"You wanna know what I believe? I believe you're the only one I've ever loved. And I believe I can't endure the pain of losing you again." He looked away. Gutless. "I can't let you do this to me, Lil. Not again."  
"I wish I could tell you I can't live without you to make you stay, to convince you to start over. But I'd lie and I don't want any more lies standing in our way. I can live without you. I just don't want to Rufus. I don't want to live without you. I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking 'If only I tried harder'. I can't allow myself to live like that again. So I'm trying my hardest here." And I really was. But now I was just wondering if my _hardest_ would ever become his _enough_.  
"Why now? You haven't buried your husband yet and you're already here begging me to take you back? You left me for him. You stayed by his side when he did some horrible, horrible things, but you couldn't stay by my side when I helped Ivy, that one time that I made a mistake you just turned your back on me."  
"Oh stop it." I snapped. How many times could we talk it over seriously? Enough was enough. "You know why I did that. You can understand it better than anyone else can."  
"Trust me, I can't. I've been trying for months to find a reasonable answer to all my questions but I couldn't find any." Angry Rufus decided to make an appearance again and he brought along the yelling too.  
"It's because I love you, you asshole!" I lashed at him. "It's all because of this unspeakable-indescribable-bigger than life-feeling I've been carrying inside of me for the past 25 years of life! It's because I love you more than anything or anyone. It's because I gave my heart to you, I didn't give it to Bart Bass or to any other man. I gave it to you and you broke it." I said and pushed him out of my way while I tried in vain to go upstairs. "Let me go" I said through clenched teeth as I felt his arm wrap around my midsection to stop me. My right side, glued to his torso now. "I said let me go!" I yelled, wriggling in his arms, hitting with my fists his forearm in a childish manner.  
"No." He cupped my chin with his hand and vigorously turned my head to the right, forcing me to look at him. His nails digging in the soft skin of my cheeks.  
"No!?" I pushed his hand away from my face with the back of my right hand and then hit his chest with my elbow, too weakly to actually hurt him or have him loose his grip on me. "Leave me alone. I want to be alone right now." I then looked at him again in the eyes, begging him to let me go with them.  
"No." He whispered lowering his head towards mine. I was shivering at that point, almost too excited and too angry to verbally express my emotions.  
"Rufus please let go of me." I softly begged him while his head was inching closer and closer to mine. My eyes danced between his green eyes and his rosy lips. I felt his hand moving from my waist down to my hip and then back up, his fingertips lightly brushing against the side of by left breast. I could have moved away from him at that point, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I wanted to kill him for being so stubborn and I wanted to fuck him for being so incredibly sexy, but must of all I wanted him back. I felt his warm breath knocking at the entrance of my mouth, so I gave in. The possibility of spending the rest of my life locked up in jail wasn't as alluring as the possibility of spending the next 15min or so with him locked up inside of me.  
I took a shaky breath as he leaned forward and captured my lips with his. I felt his teeth scraping the outline of my lips as he was sucking hard on them. His hand still firmly holding my face in place. I really wanted to make him stop, to push him away, to prove him he couldn't have his way with me; but my body just refused to follow my brain's directions. I found my mouth moving in unison with him, opening just as much as his hand's tight grip would allow me, enough to poke my tongue out and let it play with his. Now that I had given him my blessing, his hand moved from my face to the back of my head and grasped my bun, pulling at it as hard as he possibly could. My moans were suffocated by his mouth covering mine, his tongue was dueling with my tongue. Tip against tip. Bouncing against the walls of our mouths. Our teeth bumping in an attempt to reach never discovered before depths. It was so erotic and yet so desperate, I just couldn't get enough of it. My tongue got caught by his teeth and was held prisoner for a second, before he released it and the battle began again. We were both running out of air but we couldn't care less. I could feel the warm air coming through his nose, spilling down on my cheek and his chest unevenly moving up and down against my side. I turned around in his arms then, our mouths still wrapped into one another. My left hand instinctively reached for his jaw, my fingers happily at home in the softness of his hair as my thumb was resting right below his sideburn. Just that little touch was enough for me to want more, to need more. My right hand started moving up and down his chest then, I shivered as my fingertips brushed against his well sculpted abs, traceable from above the soft cotton of his shirt. I wanted to touch him, no cotton impediments between us, but at the very same time I wanted to kick him out. I wanted him gone, how much more could I have let him hurt me anyway? Our mouths broke apart and I was left with a pounding chest, two most certainly swollen red lips and the indescribable need of playing that atrociously good game again. Our eyes locked, while our lungs where urgently trying to regain dear oxygen. I could read the lust in them, just like the old times. I knew he would have stopped if I told him to. Make no mistake; I didn't want him to stop. Ever. I leaned in and drew his lower lip into my mouth sucking on it mercilessly, I knew that used to drive him crazy and whatever turned him on was a definite turn on for me too. I just loved the taste of his mouth. I couldn't find the words to describe the salty sweetness of his lips or the juicy savor of his tongue in my mouth, all I can say is that it was the most delicious thing I've ever had the good fortune of relishing.  
As I kept sucking on his lip, a groan escaped his half open mouth and his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. That was it. I released his lip and sucked in a breath before our second round of the night began. His mouth crashed against mine, our tongues started fighting for control right away. My hands were both wrapped securely around his neck now, my fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. His head tilted to the right a little and that gave me enough room to shove my tongue further down into his mouth. As much as I was loving the circular motions our tongues were moving into, it was his hand now that was giving me the chills. Rufus moved it down until it landed on my ass and grabbed my left cheek with such a force I was sure I would have woken up with quite a mark the next morning. But then again, I was more than fine with it. I pressed my chest more firmly into him, surprised I didn't set fire to the layers of clothes separating my chest from his with that move. I was feeling so hot, I could swear I was about to combust.  
Rufus's hand slipped under my dress from behind and cupped my other cheek this time. I moaned into his mouth and then withdrew it from his. "What do you want Rufus?" I breathed against his lips, leaning my forehead against his.  
"You." And just like that his tongue left his mouth and trailed a wet trace along my face starting from my chin and working his way up to my forehead, lingering on my lips briefly.  
"You don't get to have me unless you're here to stay. For good." I said and wrapped both my arms around his neck, letting his face disappear into my chest.  
"I get to do whatever I want with you." He grabbed one of my boobs and squeezed it so hard I had to bite my lip to stifle a groan caused by the sudden sharp pain. "Never forget that." He said in a hoarse tone. My breast fitted perfectly in his hand as though it was sculpted to be its haven.  
"You don't own me Rufus." I purred into his ear in the sexiest voice I could come up with. I felt his left arm circling around my thighs, right under my butt, and his right hand moved under my armpit, in one swift motion he lifted me up and before I even knew it I found myself vehemently pushed against my Prada Marfa art piece. My head hit its surface with a loud thud and I screamed in pain "Oooouch!". I held my head with one hand trying to contain the pain spreading from my skull.  
"I own you. Always have, always will."  
And the Lord knows how right he was, but I just couldn't let him win so easily. I had to put up a little fight, if only my body stopped ignoring my brain! I closed my eyes as I felt his warm breath on the side of my neck. My feet touched the ground then as he freed my legs and I ungracefully tried to regain my composure. Needless to say, I was putty in his hands. His lips assaulted my neck then as both his hands lifted the skirt of my dress up and started working on freeing me from my pantyhose. I heard the silk material ripping while it was descending down my legs. His mouth was leaving wet kisses along my neck and I was there trying to move my head in every possible direction to give him more access to it, bumping the back of it once, twice, three times against the damned picture in the process. I felt the pantyhose pooling around my ankles, Rufus hands parted my legs sturdily and I closed my eyes trying to brace myself for whatever was coming along.  
I felt the tip of his finger trailing an invisible line from my knee up to my center through my inner thigh flesh. It stopped his torturous progression on the little heart shaped tattoo I have on the inside of my right leg, I knew how much he loved it and how much it meant to the both of us so it was only natural he would take a moment to look at it. What I wasn't expecting was his lips suddenly bidding goodbye to my neck and covering the tattoo. His teeth clamped around it and I groaned in pain once again. Then his tongue started soothing my skin, its tips ever so slowly brushing against it.  
"How many of them have seen it? How many of them have asked you what it meant?" He asked me with his throaty voice before the biting-licking routine started again.  
"I-I…" I couldn't find the words to answer his question, nor did I want to. What did he care anyway? He said he couldn't give us another chance, that we probably weren't meant to be, so it was none of his business. "You what?" He stopped once again, the top of his head subtly brushing against my pelvic bone. I didn't dare to look down and he didn't dare to look up. I could feel his warm breath scattering against my skin, his mouth so close yet so far from where it belonged.  
"You told them I drew it on you?" He nipped at my thigh again. "You told them I left my mark on you?" Rufus' tongue was once again massaging the area he had just bitten. "You told them you've been mine since day one and still are?" His tone got angrier and to demonstrate his renewed aggravation he bit the very same spot again, harder this time.  
"AAAAH!" I screamed, unable to bear it anymore. It was starting to hurt, mostly because his mouth was still too far away from where I wanted it. His head shot up as soon as he heard me screaming in pain and in the process his nose brushed against the lacy material of my thong and I shivered cold. Rufus was not playing fair. At all. As my eyelids flickered open I looked down at him and just whispered "You've got nothing on me."  
He flashed his 'oh no you didn't' smirk at me then just like that, my thong was pulled to the side, cutting into my hip and ass. His fingers curled around it, pulling it so tightly I feared it would snap. He slipped two fingers inside of me, rubbed my inner walls in circles and a few seconds later he removed them and pushed himself up on his heels again. His two fingers were now being held right in front of my face.  
"I say that's enough evidence". He trailed his sticky middle finger around my upper lip first.  
I closed my eyes and exhaled a breath as I started to savoir my very own juices at the corners of my mouth. Rufus didn't waste any more time and shoved his finger inside my mouth then. I swirled my tongue around it, from the left to the right and back sucking on it. A moan escaped his lips and I then pressed my teeth in the flesh of his finger, biting him long and hard. He suddenly retrieved his finger from my mouth with a soft pop and then brought his index to his mouth and let it sink into it. Once he was done licking clean his other finger he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine, teasingly. I opened my mouth and invited him in with my tongue. Long gone was his usual taste. No matter where my tongue would land all I was able to taste was my very own self.  
I broke the kiss and between a pant and another muttered "I need you". My hands worked on freeing him from his jacket. Gosh he looked so hot in that green jacket of his, I just loved it. "Now" I hissed. He let me slip his jacket off without saying a word and then grabbed my face and looked straight into my eyes.  
"I have needed you for months, but you were too busy screwing Bart Bass I believe. Do you know how many times I dreamed at night of your hands all over me? Of your mouth all over me?" He said in a raspy, soft, yet deep voice filled with want.  
"Rufus I want you…" I trailed off to attack his now exposed neck. As my mouth was working to leave a mark there I felt both his arms wrapping around my waist, holding me close. My hand tangled in his hair, keeping his head cocked to the side.  
"Your perfume…I thought I was going crazy I could smell it everywhere I'd go." I could feel him coming back to me, my Rufus was slowly coming back to me. I was sucking harder and harder on the side of his neck as the words left his mouth. He made me feel wanted, needed, in a way only Rufus was capable of doing. "Say it Lil." Anger clouded his voice again. "Say that I own you." His hand descended from my back to my butt and slipped under it, finding my thong again. "Say '_Rufus I'm yours_'". He urged me as his fingers struggled to push it to the side. I was moaning rather loudly at that point and resting my forehead on his shoulder, my arms surrounding him. "Come on, say it!" He said through clenched teeth as his fingers put an end to that torture and slipped under the material rubbing my clit in a frantic motion.  
"I-" I gasped, my mind already gone blank. Were we talking about something? What was it? And what was with all the talking? Who cared! Action, I wanted more action. "Say it!" He commanded once more. "I'm…." My head was in a fog. It felt good on so many levels to have him like that, so close again, all mine. But at the very same time I was mad at him, mad for not believing in us anymore, mad for trusting Ivy more than me.  
"Fuck, Lil. SAY IT!" His hand stopped and he pushed me against the art piece with his free hand. I looked at him and hit his chest with my fist, anger taking over me now.  
"What do you want me to say Rufus? WHAT? That fucking with Bart Bass was nothing compared to fucking with you?" I pushed him away with both my arms. "That everytime he screamed my name high from an orgasm I imagined you screaming it? That you own me? That I'm yours?" I pushed him further away, incapable of controlling myself anymore. He grabbed my wrists and stopped me before I could push him one more time. "What the hell do you want me to say?" I felt tears welling up in my eyes. It was true. It was all true. But saying it aloud would have changed something? If he knew how much I had missed him. Or how many times I had wished It was him I'd find lying next to me in my bed in the morning instead of Bart, would it have made a difference? I found the answer in his eyes. I saw it all there, etched into his face.  
Yes, it would.  
"You don't own me Rufus." I shook my head. "I belong to you, It's quite different." He started to loosen the grip around my wrists, knowing I wouldn't have gone anywhere. "But yes I am yours." I whispered as my hands caressed his torso. "Yours in a way no other woman has ever been." My hands rested on his hips teasingly. "I am yours….body and soul" I pulled at the tab of his belt and our hips collided, I felt him wide awake against my hip and I mentally damned the both of us for wearing all those clothes still.  
Rufus' eyes darkened and his right hand cupped my cheek tenderly. I kicked off my shoes and tried to free my feet from those annoying pantyhose with the help of both my heels, brushing them against one another. My knee hit his inner thigh then and that mild collision sent sparks flying. Rufus pulled me in for a long, deep kiss. Our tongues moving in unison already. As I finally freed my feet, I tugged at his shoulder and he instantly coded my message. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and scooped me up, I crossed my ankles around his hips impulsively. Our mouths as cemented together. The impact of my pelvis with his strong stomach sent me even wilder. I could just not resist him. I never could.  
He rested me against the wall again, careful to leave the poor Prada Marfa art piece alone this time. I took his head between my hands and pushed my tongue deeper into his mouth. My fingers brushing through his hair, pushing it over his ears recklessly. My calves were gliding over his butt, God It was setting me afire.  
"You are mine" Rufus said firmly looking into my eyes when our lungs forced our mouths to part.  
"Yes, Yes!" I ran my hands over his chest and flattened them on his stomach.  
"All mine" He repeated. I threw my head back as he kissed his way down my throat. My hands dropped to the buckle of his belt, I could feel it pulsing through his jeans right below my ass and I just could not resist the urge of having it inside of me any longer. That earned me a deep groan from Rufus, he was just as eager to fade into me as I was. My fingers fumbled with his belt first, then the button of his jeans and finally his zip.  
He spread to life instantaneously as I shoved his jeans down his hips along with his boxers with a little help from my foot. In a split second I curled my fingers around his thick shaft, and trailed the entire length of him. He was pulsing in my hand, It was so hard and so strong. God I had missed this man beyond words!  
"Oh Lily!" He said in a hoarse whisper. His hot breath against my skin was drawing fire circles on me.  
I chewed my lip as I felt his hand working on the zip of my dress on my side. He pulled it down and then slipped his hand inside the little slit he had just opened. He groaned as his fingertips grazed the lace of my bra. His lips found the skin of my neck again and he opened his mouth, drawing it in ravenously as he brushed the lace aside and covered my left breast with his warm palm. I sucked in a breath, that tender yet forceful touch of his hand…boy hadn't I missed it! My nipples hardened under his hand and he groaned in response still nipping at my neck.  
"Rufus!" I gasped as I felt his thumb and index finger clamping my nipple then.  
He quickly pecked the red spot he had left on my neck and moved his head up to meet my lips again. I withdrew my hand from his cock and held his head firmly as I kissed him hungrily. My nose almost hurt from how much I was pressing it into his cheek. His soft lips were wrapped around mine and I was content. He suffocated my moan with his mouth when I felt his hand squeezing my boob with force once again.  
"Oh God" I exhaled a breath as I broke our kiss, in desperate need of air. Rufus' lips reclaimed their spot on my neck again and so did my hand on his cock. I was stroking him with all my might and main. My thumb brushed above its tip, as I felt the skin that covered it in the palm of my hand retrieving and stretching with every stroke. "We should move it to the bedroom" I panted, completely lost into him.  
"Too far away." He mumbled while his tongue was living a wet line starting at my collarbone and leading up to my ear, where it stopped to welcome into his mouth my earlobe.  
"Couch" I sucked in a breath as he was sucking at it, driving me crazy.  
"Still too far"  
I then folded his balls and purred into his hear "Counter". He nodded and pressed me tight to him as he moved the both of us backwards towards the kitchen counter. Extremely gracefully considering his jeans were circling his ankles, hampering his steps. He set me on top of the counter clumsily and parted my legs at my knees.  
"Oh!" My mouth fell open. I felt his hands on my hips then, he gestured me to lift my hips up and I obliged. It was all so fast, the skirt of my dress was pooling around my hips, my thong was suddenly missing and Rufus hands were resting on my buttocks applying pressure on them, signaling me to move a little toward the edge of the counter. I was just completely lost and let him guide me. My hands wrapped around his neck and I leaned down to kiss him again but he held his finger to my slightly open lips and whispered "Let me show you what you missed in the past months". I shivered in anticipation. I knew what he had in mind and I was already melting at the thought.  
I looked over as his head leaned down, towards my entrance. He first nuzzled with his nose the little tuft of hair covering it. I ran my head through his hair as I tipped my head back, closing my eyes to enjoy the moment to its fullest. His lips pressed against my clit as his breath washing over me, I was already in paradise. His left hand was resting on my right knee to prevent me from knitting my legs, like there was even a choice for me at that point. His right hand squeezing my left buttock, his nails dipping in my skin. God I was slowly losing control of my body, the little control I still had that was. He tugged my clit into his mouth then and sucked hard.  
"Jesus, Rufus!" I moaned loudly surprised by how good it felt to have him there, right there. Then the tip of his tongue started teasing my flash, brushing past my clit ever so briefly, I was just going insane. "Rufus!" I panted, trying to guide his head with my hand, but I was just fooling myself. He was leading the dance. His mouth sucked my clit a little more and then I felt his head move lower still, he touched the tip of his tongue to the swollen nub of flesh that peeked from my dump hair and groaned loudly as he tasted me for the second time that night. He pressed his mouth more firmly onto my entrance, parting my lips with his tongue. And then I felt it inside of me, swirling inside of me, waltzing inside of me.  
My Rufus was back home.  
My eyes rolled to the back of my head. That felt too good to be true. In, out, up, down, I couldn't even tell the directions his tongue was moving into, I was clearly floating off. I circled my hips, prolonging each caress of his lips and tongue, panting not so softly above him. His lips were ringing my entrance, his tongue was fighting gravity inside of me and it was all too much. Too much. My breath caught in my throat as his hand moved from my butt to my front and his thumb frantically started rubbing against my clit in circles. I was now losing it. I swear I could feel fireworks blowing up from my very core. He was devouring me and I was just letting him do whatever he wished of me. I was his. Again.  
"Rufus…Rufus…Ru-Oh my God!" My hands dropped to his shoulders as my orgasm hit me right then and there. I wanted to reach that peak with him, but he was so good with his lips and tongue, I just couldn't help myself. I didn't feel sorry at all, cause that felt so very very good.  
Rufus lapped gently at the juices that were flowing from me, groaning although his face was still buried somewhere in between my legs. My chest was pounding heavily, I just couldn't control my breathing anymore. I was on another dimension, a dimension where I didn't need oxygen as long as Rufus' mouth was injecting life inside of me like that. With a soft peck, he moved his mouth away and brought his head back up.  
"Thank you" I opened my eyes and looked down on him resting my elbows on his shoulders while my hands were lazily playing with his hair.  
"You're very welcome". He took one of my hands into his and kissed its back softly.  
"Please tell me you never did that to that little bitch." I asked surprisingly annoyed just by the fact such a thought could cross in the aftermath of such a joyous moment. Rufus chuckled a little and then kissed the back on my hand again.  
"You jealous for once?"  
He smirked at me and I leaned forward and mumbled against his lips "You have no idea".  
We kissed for less than a minute, a mix of different tastes in our mouth, a divine mix to put it mildly. I was just enjoying the comfort created by his tongue in my mouth, by his arms wrapped securely around me. It felt good, it felt right, it felt just how it was supposed to feel with him.  
"I love it when you taste like me" I whispered as I was leaving wet kisses along his jaw line.  
"I love it too babe". He spoke softly as his hands were caressing my arms. I couldn't help but smile at the sound of the terms of endearment coming from his mouth. It was the sweetest sound I had ever known. It had meaning coming from him, a meaning I couldn't find in that word whenever it found itself on the lips of any other man I had been with.  
"Oh Rufus!" I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and leaned completely into him, my head buried in the curve of his neck.  
He shifted all my weight on his arms and back and lifted me up from the counter. He held tight onto him. I had no intention of letting him go. Ever again. We tripped onto the couch and I found myself trapped under him. A huge smile was plastered on his face and I'm quite sure it was mirroring mine. Gone was the anger and the hurt, back was the adoration in our eyes. I moved my hands under his shirt and sweater. I wanted to touch him. All of him. Rufus got rid of both the items of clothing in a hurry, he knew me so well, He could read me like an open book. I rested my hands on his ass, his perfectly rounded juicy ass, I was sculpting it while massaging it. It was just perfection. Rufus passed one arm around my mid-section and pulled me up, against his hot sturdy body. I held my breath, oh the things this man was capable of making me feel!  
I promptly found myself on top of him, both my knees resting at the sides of his slightly parted legs. I was straddling him and that meant I could feel him palpitating, almost vibrating, against my inner thigh. Rufus worked on my dress then and carefully lifted it up off my shoulders and let it fall behind the couch. He took care of my bra then and gently unclasped it, his nails lazily following its path down my arms. The corner of his lips twitching up in a smile as my skin was showing more and more.  
"Damn" he whispered, his hands moving up to the nape of my neck now tracing the line of my spine down to my tailbone.  
I had goose bumps covering every inch of my body. It was just so sensual. One of his hand took place on my butt while the other slid up my back again and rested on my neck. I looked at him and smiled before leaning forward, latching my lips with his. My arms wrapped around his shoulders as my hips were teasingly brushing against his erection, my chest pressed firmly into his, my hard nipples tickled by the sparse hair covering it. The kiss was soft, but grew more passionate within seconds. Hands started wandering each other's body with no final destination, just for the pleasure of feeling skin burning under their touch. Our lips broke apart, chests were pounding breathlessly. I pressed my palms to the back of the couch and sighed contentedly as Rufus leaned forward and latched his lips onto my taut left nipple. He was massaging it with his mouth and then pulled at my nipple with his teeth. His tongue started then circling it and I was gone again.  
"Rufus!" I gasped, deliberatively pushing down onto him.  
He moaned, my breast still its mouth's prey. My arousal was running amuck. I just wanted him inside of me now, enough with the foreplay.  
It was show time.  
I parted my knees and slid down a little, pulling from his reach as I grasped the steel shaft of his cock firmly, guiding him to me. I stroked him lightly a couple of time, letting my fingers play over his length as then paused when he was finally at my entrance. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't dare to open mine. And then I felt the head of his cock parting my folds and I just sank down onto him. I took him in slowly, allowing my walls to expand to accommodate him. He was inside of me again and I started wondering how I could have let all those months go by without this. Without it. My Rufus hard, hot, pulsing inside of me. Filling me with all his being.  
"Fuck" I said under my breath. This was extraordinary. We were fully joined, I looked down at him as I moved my hands from the couch to his shoulders and found his eyes already staring at me.  
"Beautiful, you are so beautiful" He whispered with a softness in his voice that could have melted even ice.  
I blushed under his gaze and shook my head grinning at him. He had the amazing power of making me feel like a teenager again. I began to move slowly, raising myself up and lowering myself down with care, circling my hips as I was going. Rufus groaned as he cupped my bottom in his hands, guiding me the length of his pulsing erection and pushing up against me with the completion of each stroke. His mouth attacked my other breast and I moaned loudly his name. Soon I began to move faster, tipping my head back as I rode him with abandon. My right hand resting on his shoulder for good purchase and the other disappeared in his hair. His fingers curled into the soft skin of my ass as he raised his other hand to tangle it in my soft hair, undoing my bun, taking the bobby pins out and letting them fall one by one on the floor with soft clicks. I felt my hair falling down on my shoulders as his fingertips massaged my sculp. I arched my back, giving him even more space to play with me. And that's what all I wanted really. Our touches weren't rough or rushed or affected by any animalistic instinct. We were just discovering our bodies again. It was just Rufus and I relishing in the feeling of being one again, about to enjoy a moment of wholeness. I was his and he was mine. Again. And again. And again. Moving in sync as naturally as in the past, as though time had never passed. His mouth left my breast and reclaimed its spot on my mouth and I was just as happy as he was to feel his lips on mine. As our tongues danced together my body kept sliding up and down along its length, such a blissful feeling. It could reach depths nobody ever reached inside of me. His hips were pushing up, guiding his cock inside of me, letting my walls wrap around it more firmly with every thrust. Our lips broke apart, we didn't stock up enough oxygen to keep it up. Just the sound of our bodies colliding, merging together, would have been enough to make me cum. Just that rhythmical progression of little thumps and little pops coming from the joining of our bodies. I was so in love with him. And giving myself completely into him was the only way I knew to prove to him how much I worshipped him. I circled my hips around him and he started thrusting into me deeply. Oh God, it was so good to have him back. He grubbed one of my jumping boobs in his hand and squeezed it hard.  
His "Mmmm" met my "Aaaah", the groans and moans coming off our mouth all contributory to our impending orgasms. As one we were everything we needed and would always be. I scratched his back with my nails, my hands following the same movements of my body, up and down. The heat was raising in my body spreading from my very to core to its edges at the sound of our centers smashing together. I brought my hips up almost getting him all the way out of him and quickly pushed down onto him for two times in a row and that's when we both found our release.  
"Oh my Goodness!" I exclaimed as I felt my walls clenching and tightening around him. Shockwaves of pleasure were rippling through me at such a speed, I swear my head was spinning.  
"Fuck! Fuck! Lily!" He mumbled while his mouth landed on my shoulder and started leaving wet kisses.  
He stilled and so did I, letting him fill me with all he had to give and he had a lot to give. He knew me so well, inside and out. I felt so warm, embraced to him. I felt safe, nothing could have hurt me anymore cause the only person that could have given me any form of pain was resting between my legs giving me the greatest joy of all.  
"Rufus" I whispered at last when his nose was buried into my hair and the sides of our faces were resting against one another. "God, I missed you so much. So very very much" And I meant each and every word I had just spoken. The realization of how much I had indeed missed him struck me right then, right there.  
"I missed you too my love." He simply said, rubbing my back with his hands, his thumbs brushing lightly against my sides.  
"I'm sorry." I felt tears forming in my eyes and instantly closed them shut. I didn't want to cry now. There was no need to cry. I was just overwhelmed with emotions. Truth is I was scared. Scared he wouldn't find it in his heart to forgive me. Scared that this was the last time he would hold me like that in his arms. "About everything."  
He rested his hands on my shoulders and pushed me a little so that I was forced to look him in the eyes. "So am I" He nodded knowingly. I smiled big at him and took his face between my hands, moving it closer to mine and sweetly let my lips linger on his for a couple of seconds.  
"You are the love of my life, you know that right?" I said with a voice choked with emotion. I had so much more to say to him but for now I just needed him to know that, to believe that, to feel that. He reached out and brushed a tendril of hair behind my ear. I was absent-mindedly chewing my bottom lip, waiting for him to give me a sign, any sign, he knew exactly what I meant just because he was feeling the same exact way about me. And then he spoke up, just when my eyes met his and I felt them looking through me again, finally.  
"I love you Lil." There was a truth in his eyes, a reassurance in his voice, a promise of an us in his smile and I just let him light up my world again. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was happy again. And all because of that amazing man in front of me. Our lips met once again in a prolonged kiss this time.  
"No more _all-or-nothing_." I softly begged him when we broke apart.  
"_All. All. All_." He mumbled.  
His mouth still resting against mine, his hands caressing my hair tenderly. Then his lips captured mine again, I engulfed him in my embrace and just enjoyed our kiss. A kiss fueled with the knowledge that we were going to be fine. That we would have made things work this time. That we were going to have it _all_ at last.

_**THE END**_


End file.
